Just wondering, who watches The Real Housewives of Orange County? Being a Real Housewife of Orange County you would think I would be eagerly tuning in to see what “we” are up to. But, truth be told, I only catch it if it falls anywhere near “Flipping Out” or “Project Runway.”
It’s not that I think they misrepresent Orange County Housewives. I know plenty of gals just like them.
My girlfriends and I are a different breed of Orange County Housewife; sometimes unkempt and unpowdered, with younger kids and nicer husbands.
Here are some scenes and excerpts from OUR “(More) Real(istc) Housewives of Orange County (just HW for short)“:
-HW hastily throws Michael’s receipt out the window of speeding SUV before her husband finds out she spent $75 on ribbon.
-HW talking crossly to fellow HW about where to take the kids for the day, “If we go to Fashion Island, there is the carousal, the koi pond, the train and we can eat at Red Robin for lunch.” Other HW shoots back, “Yes, but if we go to The Spectrum, there is the ferris wheel, the carousel, the train and we can eat lunch at Red Robin.” This is what we call an “OC Housewife Standoff.” (It really makes absolutely no difference who wins.)
-HW scolding herself in her mind as she is stuck in traffic, “I knew I shouldn’t have taken the 55, now I’ll never make “pick up.”
-HW thinks to herself, “If the cashier at Trader Joe’s calls me Ma’am one more time, I’m going to key his Ford Bronco.”
-HW frantically talking to her husband as he speeds home on a Friday night, “Hurry, if we don’t get to Wasa by 6:00, we’ll have to eat at IHop!”
-HW shrieks in horror upon hearing the tuition of “Lu” High.
-HW wakes in a fit of panic and screams as she realizes, “Oh no, our Disneyland Deluxe Annual Passports expired yesterday!”
-HW overheard complaining to fellow HW in school parking lot, “If I have to tell my husband one more time that going to the dentist isn’t “me time,” I’m going to push him in our new Pebble Tec pool with cascading waterfall.”
-One HW asks another HW over a Cafe Vanilla at The Bean, “Where is Cota de Casa?”
(Me, Jill, Jana, Vicki and Ericka…no wait, that’s not right…)
(Right, good, here we are, Vicki, me, Jill, Jana and Ericka at The ARTbar … much better.)
Would you like to be featured here and on 
delicious post. DE-LIC-OUS.
I can relate to all of this TOO WELL. Worst part is - we have family (WE, meaning my husband) has family in Chicago. and unfortunatly they are convinced the “Housewives of Orange County” is my life verbatium. I try to explain to them- that it is nothing , nothing (oh trust me NOTHING) like that show……..and that I don’t even WATCH the show!
You guys ROCK! You are my kind of Moms.
Suzanne, I nominate you for an Emmy. Truth (real truth) is always better than fiction. You are hilarious.
Too funny Suzanne! I have to say, you and your “HW” friends are waaaay more beautiful than the real OC Housewives! I know most of that show (and other so called “reality” shows) are scripted, but why in the world would any woman, mother, and wife want to portray themselves in that manner??? Just don’t get it.
You guys are better looking too
p.s. I went to the Spectrum last week for the Carousel & Red Robin too. Alas the train only runs on the weekends when I avoid that place.
Ribbon. Grrrr.
I got such a kick out of reading this that I had to read it twice. It’s so funny. You really hit it out of the park with this one!!! I cracked-up when I scrolled down and saw the photos.
I have to agree that you gals are way better looking!!!
Once again, I loved this. And yes, we do know a few of these “Real OC Housewives” . I read this to my loving husband and he laughed out loud. He thinks you are so funny! Not that I’m amazed or anything because I love your humor, but I considered you my hidden pleasure until you mentioned it to him. The last two Thursdays he’s come home and said “did you read Suzanne’s blog yet, it’s funny”. .. WHAT’s GOING ON?!! You’re mine. Is that weird? To be honest, though, it is kind of nice to see he understands your humor. Does that mean he understands me too? See you soon…
I’m currently living in Mexico City. I’ve had to defend what the “real(istic) OC HW” is…now I can send them this link for defense. I loved reading this…plus the inclusion of the pictures! Well done!
Glad I am not the only one who irked when the 40 y.o. TJ cashier calls a 38 year old me “Ma’am.” ( Also grounds for no tip at Starbucks!)
As a Native Orange county person, I am now relieved that I did not make an mistake relocating to England with two young children…now that they go out and ride their bikes, roller skating and going to woods and but yet can walk and ride bikes to their schools and activies….no need to fight traffic or getting passes for themeparks or finding a place to go or how much a product is…or how big your ring is or even what kind of a car one drives…A BIG thanks to you all, now I can enjoy visiting home without any fear of housewife fights…smile…
Thank you, THANK YOU! I too have friends out of state who really do think those ridiculous shows represent life in the OC. I haven’t had such a good laugh in a long time. And, oh, by the way, dropping off the kids in the Ikea play area while you go upstairs for coffee with a book is a good way to get some “me” time!
i never watched the show and i also dont know where Cota de Cosa is. me being a “real” African American housewife in OC i too can say my life is nothing as the show. and why are there no African American women on the tv show???
Hate to ruin the modesty parade, but I think you ladies are HOT!!
Go out with me and I’ll promise an afternoon of shopping at Target and dinner at Houstons!
Just like the post above about people trying to convince their family members in Chicago that they are not like those ridiculous women because of that silly show… does NOT mean that Coto de Caza should be singled out or made fun of just because of that silly show.
That was not funny or fair. There are 6,000 families that live in this beautiful gated community, and it is far-fetched to say that all of them are like tHat. I have lived in Coto de Caza since 1993, and have met very few like those people. I do agree, however, that they should not have made that show and that it was an embarrassment to everyone living here. YUCKY!
Otherwise, your article was smart and creative.
For the record… Fashion Island is better because people are allowed to bring their dogs, and the pets are usually dressed in the cutest outfits.
It is about time. Congrats to the real women who make things happen as a housewife and a mother. I am for real as well. With 7 children and helping my husband with his job, I love being a woman whose value is not in the sleazy look of the so called “housewife”. I don’t know about you but my desperation comes in seeing that my children are good citizens in the City of Orange where I live and that I don’t embarrass my husband in public looking like trash but clean and updated and in shape. THANK YOU for this picture of these lovely ladies. It is refreshing.
“-HW thinks to herself, “If the cashier at Trader Joe’s calls me Ma’am one more time, I’m going to key his Ford Bronco.” ”
That part made me laugh out loud. Great post.
Thats a good one, they need to do a show on the real real women of OC.
Single, middle aged, fat and poor !!! Talk about drama, forget the
Brand new 80 ton Hummer3, we drive POS’s and struggle with car payments, our kids and their kids keep coming home because its to damn expensive to get an apartment here let alone buy a HOUSE. And we shop at the Foothill Ranch Wal Mart where theres plenty of parking and a subway sandwich shop inside the store, to me going to the dentist IS alone time, I can’t even go potty without the grandkids pounding at the door and Irvine Spectrum is that big crowded outside mall I pass on the 5 fwy coming and going to work. I don’t know what Wasa is but I’ve been to Ihop like twice when I have extra money, which has happened maybe three time in my LIFE!!
Real OC Housewives?
¡no, es verdad!
The women in the second picture are WAY hotter than the ones in the photo above!
I am also a “Real” OC Housewife, while homeschooling my 4th and 6th graders, and potty training my 2 year old, and taking care of my 7 month old. Now that’s being a “Real” housewife! I have never watched the show, and don’t plan to, my evenings are for me and my husband, not a silly show that isn’t even “Real”.
I loved this article! As a “real OC housewife” myself, I’m glad to see others laugh out loud at this show. Your picture is beautiful. You ladies are fresh and stylish without being Botoxed, pulled up, plastered and siliconed to the max. I admire your style and would rather model my own after yours than ever grab the negative attention of being half dressed, loud and drunk in public. Don’t these ladies realize their college days have been gone for about 20 years?
Oh well, I’m off to the the Spectrum to ride the train and eat at Red Robin with my twins! See you guys there!
I have to disagree. $75 on ribbon?? Who scrapbooks in the OC? This isn’t Indiana!
Dang, you guys are smoking hot!!
Erika - If you ever leave your hubby, let me know!!
Love your humor!!!! I can totally relate to you guys.
Suzanne, you’re great! And I agree with all of the other comments, you all are more beautiful (inside and out!). Keep up the great work!
It is very sad to see this about HW show. We as wives and mothers have a responsibility to lead a life for God who has placed us with our husbands and giving us our children.
Ladies my goal is not to “look hot” or go to “trendy places” but to become the Virtuous Wife that God has called me out to be. Proverbs 31:10-31
Suzanne, you and your friends look more like
OC Mommys…
Proverbs 31:10-31
How shallow can you get. Obviously pretty shallow.
Pathetic. These are the people raising the future of America.
Sad, sad, sad.
I recently moved to Phoenix from OC but still read the paper online to keep in the loop…loved this column! That show makes me ill…but your column made me realize that SoCal hasnt completely lost its mind since I left…Keep up the good work…I just spent $180 for frames at Michaels last week…that receipt magically got lost too!
Oh good lord. No wonder people think we’re a bunch of spoiled rich people. Even the “real” people are apparently insanely rich. My husband would notice if I spent $75 on ribbon because I’d be spending all our grocery money for the week. And lunch at Red Robin? Are you people insane??? Red Robin is like a nice dinner out for us and that’s if we share an entree. And this with both of us working at $20/hr jobs and doing much better than a whole lot of friends of ours. How about the REALLY REAL Housewifes of Orange County? Or how about the REAL Wives of Orange County - those of us barely getting by on two incomes and wondering where the hell your husbands are working that you can afford to stay home. You don’t know how spoiled you are.
There are all types in Orange County. I know all different types of people here, it doesn’t mean they are bad. It just goes to show there are all different types of people. The Orange County house wives may have gone a little over board, and some of them MAY think they may be better in some cases. Maybe it’s true due to money, as they can afford more. But to me they seem pretty normal. But that one wife has no class on that show, she’s the loud one, I think it’s Tamara I’m talking about. She’s the only one I don’t like. She tries to hard to be something she’s not. Remember money can not buy class, it could buy everything else but not class.
I wonder if there are any locals in Cota de Casa, it seems like they are just OC wanabes who move there and act like they are from here.
And really just add to the down fall of what OC was. OC blows now, it was cool!
But you ARE the REAL OC Housewives - i.e. - real lips, real tummies, real boobs - no fake stuff! And much prettier than the actresses who claim to be the “real” OC housewives. And brains - you and your friends have thinking, functioning brains!
From an older, former LA Housewife who now resides in Laguna Woods with a very down to earth Newport Beach daughter who is a working wife & mother and proud of it!
I love you moms! I lived in HB from ‘89-’06 when our kids were little. I absolutely did know women like the Cota gals, but you nailed my life perfectly with your comments! In my day, meeting at the carousel at South Coast Plaza was the hot spot–the Sesame Street store was right next to it–anyone remember? Living happily in Phoenix now with two teenagers (YIKES) but you gave me a wonderful reminder of my early momn8tr years! Please post more!
Love from a mom who drove around with a 1/2 inch of sand on the floor of my car for over a decade!–dana
as long as you keep them WHITE, no asians or mexicans should be included
Oh, BTW–the ribbon thing? I should have been ticketed for tossing the JoAnn’s receipts a long time ago! Drop the kids at school, hightail it over to the store on Adams, strategically located across from Target and PayLess, and next to Smart and Final! A stop at Mother’s for a bite, and I’d barely make it back in time for pick up!
And you ladies are much hotter than the Cota babes–and REAL!
What a hoot!
hahahahaha! time at michaels IS me time. suzanne, you’re one funnygirl! keep up the good work.
When my husband came home last night he asked me if I read Suzanne’s blog too. He thought it was so funny - we had a good giggle together - thanks to Suzanne.
What’s so ‘real’ about a bunch of OC moms doing all the typical ‘waste of human purpose’ things mentioned? This summizes the reality that Michael’s Crafts and the Irvine Company spawned a SUV loving orge population that keeps procreating label wh0ring, morally devoid children.
Oh puuuulllleeezze!
I really don’t see a difference…..
I am an Orange County mom who works full time. I am educated and I find the show insulting. Such frivolity! I live in the REAL world, with real issues.
I’m not impressed with either group. LITTERBUGS, threatening to key someone’s car, bragging on new pool……think I just vomited in my mouth.
HW hastily throws Michael’s receipt out the window of speeding SUV
-HW thinks to herself, , I’m going to key his Ford Bronco.”
-HW overheard complaining to fellow HW in school parking lot, “….,” I’m going to push him in our new Pebble Tec pool with cascading waterfall.”
hey I’m 33 and pretty much every cashier I deal with calls me “sir”… this has been happening for 2 or 3 years now. c’mon do I really look like a sir? I graduated high school in the 90s…so sometimes I’m like, dude don’t call me sir! anyway don’t take “ma’am” too harshly.
anyway, interesting read. I laughed at the IHOP and Disneyland comments. too true
They’re still not realistic because they are still WHITE! Orange County ain’t so white folks.
“The women in the second picture are WAY hotter than the ones in the photo above!”
true, except for that new gal they got. too bad it’s all plastic… much better real.
Lighten up, some of you! It’s a humor blog! Do any of these women look stupid enough to actually key a car? I hope you are sending e-mails of protest to John Stewart, Steven Colbert, David Letterman and every other writer who exaggerates the truth to get a laugh. Or should I bow down to you for never having had a hurtful thought in your life? Silly! Don’t read it if you don’t see the humor.
Hey you ladies are hotter than those vapid rich broads.
They are fake everything, silicon here there everywhere.
I forgot to say that Vikki the others are hot but lady day you are smoking!
Suzanne, great job. Seems a lot of readers aren’t familiar with your column and don’t understand your humor. Like when you say “throwing a receipt out the window” you don’t actually mean that. Too bad they are missing the humor and the point also. Keep up the great work. I really enjoy reading your column and getting a good laugh.
I like how my comment was deleted.
Can’t take the criticism that your breed of mothers does not represent a vast portion of OC parenthood?
Like I said, it looks like Michael’s Crafts and the Irvine Company spawned a SUV loving orge population the procreates unnecessarily.
oh HA! There’s my comment. In all it’s glory.
Michelle: I have to disagree. $75 on ribbon?? Who scrapbooks in the OC? This isn’t Indiana!
HA! Seriously. And if you are going to be photographed, at least jazz yourself up a bit by refraining from wearing a pink hoodie and for the others, don’t try to look like you buy your clothing from Tilly’s. That’s so 2002.
Swooning moon:
Comments have to be approved before they are published so when you submit one, it won’t appear immediately.
However, we reserve the right to delete comments that are vulgar or contain personal attacks.
I already ammended to the fact that I found my comment. Thanks. I wish lame ‘articles’ such as this with horrid attempts at creative writing would have to be approved by God before they appear on the Register site.
My comment was deleted. Awww I guess I hurt the stepford wives wittle bittie feelings.
Mister AFJ:
Your comment appears above. Read my earlier comment to Swooning Moon. As long as your comments don’t contain vulgar language or personal attacks, they will be published.
Xochi
Clue coming your way.
There is no god.
finally, a story about the real HW of OC, not desparate, not botoxed, not re-created like a frankenstein and happy and normal. BTW-whats wrong with IHOP?? I love the place and its cheap. I cannot beleive the OCR took so long. But considering all the attention the bimbos get I always assumed that they had somthing going on with the editor. And the bimbos bragging about taking there kids to see Hef…all they have created is future income for various divorce attorneys.
I’d like to know why some of you sound so bitter when this is supposed to be a funny article? To Julie Scott - not all of us who stay home with our kids are “spoiled”. You wonder what our husbands do for a living? Well, mine is a teacher and we aren’t rich. I have been able to stay home full time with both of my kids. It means giving up certain things that others can’t seem to do without. We own a small condo, I drive a midsize SUV, my husband drives a Civic with almost 100,000 miles on it and I shop at Target and Old Navy for my family’s clothing!! So, before you start judging people, remember that everyon’e situation is different. I may eat at Red Robin and take my kids to the Spectrum for something to do. That doesn’t make me rich or spoiled.
Mister AFJ:
Here’s a clue for you, I do exist however I do not claim you.The good news is you still have time.
Maybe get a life (literally) and stop commenting on Blogs and get in my Word. Please note you will one day know and profess I exist lets just hope its not too late (Philippians 2:9-11)
JC
Re-read your blog just to see if somehow I missed the so called “humor”. I found it just as, if not more, vapid as the first time. You and your reality show counterparts are not much different at all.
To swooning moon
Huh?????
Nice post Xochi, you go girl!!!!! I agree that we need to be more concerned about our children and what kind of examples we are as wives and mothers. They will grow up to be just like the example that you are. They will DO what you DO, not what you say! It’s time we pay more attention to the precious gifts that God has given us than how we look and where we shop!
Cotoequestrienne: why not spend time reading a blog you DO enjoy instead of clogging this one up with your unhappiness? Your insistence on putting the blog down says more about you than it does the bloggers, or all of us who get the tongue-in-cheek humor. If you’re as classy as you want us to believe, show it and make a graceful exit.
LOL at JC!
Bring it on almighty one or are you a coward? Or maybe you DON”T EXIST! It’s always “one day”.
danmo2:
The problem with this blog, or article, is that it is not funny.
gary:
Since you are asking a question, I shall respond: Only on Wednesdays.
danmo2 - But how are you getting by??? Do you people have like a couple grand in credit card debt or what? Both my husband and I work full time at good paying jobs, have older (and I mean old - my husband’s car is at 160K miles) cars, I eat “Instant Lunch” for lunch because they are 3 for $1, and I shop the discount rack at Target and Old Navy because I can’t even afford their regular prices. And we are still barely getting by. I really don’t understand how you people are pulling off this stay at home mom thing in Orange County. It astounds me.
Who gives a flying carpet!
Folks:
I live next door in Dove Canyon (the poor cousin with only 1 private golf course), where we have a term for the offspring of our snootier neighbor next door: “Coto brats”….
and to the lady who asked why there were no black or minority women in OC-yes there are plenty of them, but not in Coto (or for that matter most of OC south of the Spectrum, except for pockets where the “help” lives-no insult intended to those hard-working folks-like parts of El Toro, San Juan Capistrano, Mission Viejo, and RSM where there are lots of apartments)
You do see some very affluent minorities in Coto, including some offspring of Mexico’s elite who moved their families there to escape the violence and kidnap threats of Mexico City and border cities…
I do want to say that the majority here are counting pennies and busting there butts to pay to live here like everyone else these days, since the value of their biggest asset-their house-has gone way, way down…but we console ourselves that we don’t pay the 2-point plus property taxes that they pay in Ladera Ranch!
“They’re still not realistic because they are still WHITE! Orange County ain’t so white folks” hmm it’s pretty white. I’m sure they can mix in an Asian and that one chick (Jo?) on the original housewives show was kinda brown looking. StabuAna is like it’s own country anyway do they really need a representative? there are like 50 tv channels on my cable I can’t understand but I’ve never complained to Time Warner that I wish to no longer pay for them.
“and the pets are usually dressed in the cutest outfits”
great, who really cares? as long as their owner picks up their remnants and there aren’t hoardes of smokers to avoid, that’s all that matters.
These women are not an accurate representation of real housewives in Orange County. This article is pointless. I find it very sad that news outlets are no longer able to provide real news.
I consider myself to be a Real Desperate OC Housewife. Deserate to make sure my husband is happy, my homeschooled children are well mannered and my house is in order. Funny thing is I totally enjoy it. This is my full time job and the peace in my home is all the wage I need.
Hats off to all the moms who can find the time to scrapbook and get to Michaels with all the babies. For all those who don’t spend money on ribbon at Michaels or JoAnns pass those 50% off coupons my way!
Sheesh, I thought it was funny. I don’t understand why people have to be so negative. If you don’t “get” it, you don’t have to throw a fit about it.
The people who go online, hunt up a site they already know they will disagree with, then find it necessary to demean its authors, readers and the world in general really need our best wishes and kind thoughts…because if you are happy in your life, you don’t mind if other people live differently than you do, and you don’t have a need to spread anger and hostility.
No one is swayed by these unpleasant comments; they sound simply like evidence that there are some very unhappy people out there who want everyone else to be as miserable as they are. That’s a shame–but annoying, so if you don’t approve of this blog, don’t. read.it. There’s a thought!
MisterAFJ
I am very sorry you feel this way.
What I don’t understand are all the negative comments in response to this blog. These women are clever enough to laugh at themselves and the particular sub-culture that they live in, especially in contrast with the Real Housewives show on Bravo. Many others share their culture; but not everyone…including me. To those of you who feel that HW does not represent you, or are offended by their happy, successful lives, then why don’t you develop your own blogs about your Orange County lifestyle or ethnic background…just make it funny and enjoyable to read? These women don’t have a responsibility to represent your lifestyle.
I have lived here in Orange County my entire life. I had no idea that there was such a show. I’m a real OC wife and mother of three which I home school and serve in my local church. Talk about busy! It is good to see women step up and take a stand for what we are really like. Its nice to moms dress like moms and not teenagers with everything hanging out! Who said that looked good anyway????
To Julie Scott,
We are getting by with absolutely NO credit debt. We paid that off right after we got married and the only credit card I own is an American Express - so I have to pay the balance off every month. I don’t know how we get by to be honest, but we do. We are just very careful about how we spend our money. I have my degree and will eventually go back to work full time, but right now it is a priority for me to be home with my kids. My point is: you cannot lump all stay-at-home moms into one category as being “spoiled”. My husband works hard and we watch every dollar we spend so that I can stay home with our kids. I feel very fortunate that I’m able to do so. I don’t choose to stay home so that I can shop all day at Fashion Island or get my nails done every week; I want to be there for my kids, so we have cut out a lot of stuff we don’t need for me to be able to do it. It’s amazing that a daily trip to Starbucks can add up to thousands of dollars a year! There are so many simple things you can do to save. We also cook dinner at home almost every night. That helps too.
Well, it’s obvious the “Mom Wars” have turned into the “Mom Lifestyle Wars”. It’s an ongoing dilema.. Is it not possible to drop the petty judgment of each other and accept that we all live in a way and make choices that are right for our families?
# kiki00 Says:
April 16th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
These women are not an accurate representation of real housewives in Orange County. This article is pointless. I find it very sad that news outlets are no longer able to provide real news.
______________________________________________
I’m guessing you don’t like the funny pages or the crossword puzzle in your daily paper either? News media does not have to be all hard-hitting exposes, dear. How depressing would that be?
It’s funny how people forget a simple rule: If you don’t like what you read, then don’t read it. If you don’t like what you’re watching don’t watch it. To each their own, that doesn’t mean everyone has to attack everyone else because they “disagree”. I mean we’re all moms teaching our kids to behave this way and yet we can’t do the same.
What is that old rule ” If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” Oh yeah that’s right!
Gussie
Ordinary people believe only in the possible. Extraordinary people visualize not what is possible or probable, but rather what is impossible. And by visualizing the impossible, they begin to see it as possible.
The comments here are as entertaining as the post. Us OC Moms should unite and quibble over trivial issues.
Wow…haha…that show must be a joke. Seriously…Those “HWs” sound like a bunch of complaining women. A real house wife loves making a house a home, loves her husband and wants to make sure that he is happy, gives of her time and loves her kids. I am not a mother nor a wife, but I have many godly women around me all the time that set great examples for me. These “house wives” on TV are anything BUT a good example. My mom works hard being a great wife to my dad and an awesome mother to me and my siblings. She homeschools us, works at our church, takes care of a home, and gives so much of her time. Thats the kind of OC house wife that I want to be.
Oh and our Disneyland passes have been expired for almost 5 years. No panic attacks so far! LOL.
Jessie
The term is used colloquially for any kind of Linkback. One notable blogging tool that does not support trackback yet is Blogger.A Trackback