The Mom Blog is written by moms (and a couple of dads) in Orange County. 
Call me an “indie” mom…
May 15th, 2008, 1:47 pm · 7 Comments · posted by Cynthia Rupe
Most anytime I hear the term “single mother” used in conversation, it seems to be said with a negative connotation. Like it’s a term that was invented to clarify the plight of the poor dear who is referenced. To inflect that life has, essentially, crapped all over her. That she made poor choices. That she’s always struggling to make ends meet. That her hair is never brushed.
Of course, being a single mom is hard work. And while some (or all) of the inflections may be true, I think we single (or soon-to-be-single) women with children deserve a little bit more credit than that, don’t you agree?
I like the term “independent” mom. I’m living life on my terms. Independent. Yes, I’m an indie mom. It has a nice little ring to it.
After all, most of us “single moms” are single by choice - whether or not we ever expected to be here. But we came to the decision that we are better off on our own. And here we are, standing on our own two feet. Proving that even though life gets hard and we get tired, we can do this. No sympathy, please. (Although babysitting offers from close, trustworthy friends will always be accepted, am I right?)
I didn’t expect to be here. I always thought that when I married it would be for keeps. Everyone says that, but for me there was simply no other option. I’m an idealist and a romantic that way. Life hasn’t worked out how I thought it would - and it’s a pretty recent development. But I’m not jaded (too badly), and I’m thankful for that. I look forward to my future.
And I’m just taking it day by day on this new path in my life as an “indie” mom.
May 15th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
Hmm, I don’t mind being a single mom, but then I’ve always been single so I have nothing to compare it to.
May 15th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
To borrow a phrase from a decade ago: You go, girl.
Seriously though, I’m sure it’s great to have found some peace in it all. There are a lot of women who use being a single mom as an excuse for everything, which is wehre I think some of the negative connotations stem from. But knowing you are just fine on your own, despite it not being in the “master plan,” is admirable.
Be proud of your indie status
May 16th, 2008 at 5:55 am
Indie has far better connotations….it is a positive and uplifting term. You will make it just fine. Is it gonna be hard? You bet- but so is motherhood even with a ring on your finger. Because- being married doesn’t always equate into sharing the duties and responsibilities mothers face……you can totally do this. And you can ENJOY doing it.
Have a great time- it is going to be quite a ride!
May 16th, 2008 at 10:27 am
I agree. I am a single mom and I get offended when people introduce women as single mother such and such. They don’t do that to any one else. If anything we should be looked up to. It is hard at times, but it takes drive, motivation, and creativity raising kids without a partner. I embrace my single motherhood. But what makes me mad is that society gets on us for not being married, but what about the bum guys who are okay with making babies, but leave us to do the raising of the babies by ourselves. No one thinks about that, no one thinks about why we chose to be by ourselves. Apparently, it was for the best interest of us and the children. No one ever puts the blame on the other half who made the child that made us a mother….
lol…just venting…
May 16th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
I love the term “indie” mom. Keep up the positive attitude - it won’t be easy, but you and your kids will make it.
May 28th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
I like it too. Indie: independent, of course. What about “indy” like the 500, always racing? You must be doing that too.
May 30th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Yeah, Ive been racing. Slowing down. Settling into this whole thing. Facing the loneliness, it’s inevitable… that’s the scariest part I think.