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When parent-child roles get reversed

June 18th, 2008, 12:10 pm · 4 Comments · posted by Nikki Batalis

My parents are getting older, there’s no denying it. My mom, 79, had a stroke in December. She has recovered nicely, but she isn’t her same old sharp self. My dad, 81, is still pretty frisky most days, but has been slowing down for a number of years.

It was my mom’s stroke at my home during their Christmas visit - and her six-week recovery - that led my parents to the conclusion that they needed to sell their Pacific Northwest home of the last 40 years and relocate to O.C., so they can be closer to me, my husband and kids.

This is all great. I have wanted them to live closer to us since my kids came along. We have been lucky in that they have been able to come down for extended stays over the years, bonding and spending plenty of time with the grandkids. But it’s not the same as having Mom and Dad a few minutes away.

However this week, with my parents visiting, I was taking calls from their Realtor as offers were coming in on the house. I realized that they were looking to me for direction and advice. I see a look of dependency as I take them to open houses here to look at property or check out rentals.

I realize that this is the natural course of events, that eventually the child takes care of the parents. I take on that role willingly, as I love my parents dearly. But it is a new reality, and not without its unsettling moments.

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Posted in: Make Me a Sandwich - Nikki Batalis |

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4 Responses to “When parent-child roles get reversed”

  1. Nikki Batalis Says:
    June 19th, 2008 at 7:48 am

    It is a very different experience, Adam. It is doubly interesting when you are instructing your kids on what to do, then telling your parents what they should do, as well. Now I know what the term Sandwich Generation means, when you are sandwiched between your kids and your parents, and both need you. Good luck to you - and you have an interesting blog, by the way.

  2. Martha Says:
    June 19th, 2008 at 9:51 am

    Yes, it is a strange position to be in. I definitely feel for you. My parents have lived in the same house for 35 years and the only major improvements they have made are a kitchen/bath refurbish and ceramic tile roof. We finally talked them into replacing the garage doors with roll up ones, in the anticipation of selling in the near term. My husband and I find it really quite odd to be giving them advice on preparing the house to sell.

  3. Elizabeth Says:
    June 20th, 2008 at 9:06 am

    Oh yes, I’m there too. It is weird, no?
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