When I wrote my first blog post earlier this year, I divulged my 88 Simple Rules for Anyone Dating My Teenage Daughter.

What an idiot I was.

I should have made it 127 rules.

So now I find myself in the unenviable position of having a daughter ready — and willing — to dive into the dating pool.

Oh, but it’s not the emotionally stable 16-year-old but rather the irrationally charged and unstable 13-year-old who recently exclaimed, “I have a boyfriend.”

Since when did eighth graders start dating?

And already she is asking about when is it appropriate to have your first kiss? My answer: On her wedding day when the minister says, “You may now kiss the bride!”

My daughter has heard (and understands — hopefully) my dating rules and the consequences for herself and any would-be beau who breaks them. And like any teen, her biggest fear is me embarrassing her in front of him. (Like that is likely to happen. Well, maybe.)

So with 2008 coming to a close, I’ve made the mature decision to make a few New Year’s resolutions on the topic.

1) I resolve not to embarrass her. No showing old home videos of her ballet dancing at age 4. No telling how she loved to eat sand as a toddler. No mention of her earliest fashion sense of mixing fringed cowboy boots and leotards. No mention of how she is obsessed with looks and then questioning, “So, why then is she with you?”

2) I resolve not to intimidate him. No asking him if he’s ever been human prey while cleaning a firearm. No running an FBI Level 4 background check on his family. (I’ll just ask her best girlfriend for the dirt on him. She’s proven to be a reliable source in the past). No growling (I can still glare at him). No “creepy” comments like “I’m watching you!” (Some things just go without saying.)

3) I resolve not to attempt any male bonding. No inviting him over to watch sports. No inviting him to have dinner with us. No invitations to family game or movie night. No playing Wii together (in fact no Wii or We of any kind).

4) I resolve not to call him Rico Suave. Anymore. At least not to his face. Or hers.

5) I resolve not to point out his obvious flaws.

And finally ..

6) I resovle to expand my list of dating rules to 200. At least!

Posted in: Guest Dad Bloggers • Disillusioned Dad - Morgan Sales |

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