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- OPINION
Cell phone “sex texting” is terrifying for parents
March 16th, 2009, 5:33 pm · 14 Comments · posted by Marla Jo Fisher, Staff Writer
Middle school is just plain frightening. Not for the kids. For the parents.
You may have seen the newspaper story about kids “sexting,” where a middle school girl took naked pictures of herself, sent them to her boyfriend, who then shared them with a bunch of
My kids are very well-brought-up
friends.
One thing the “sexting” incident in Los Alamitos tells you is that attending a good school and living in an affluent neighborhood are no protection against lame behavior and stupid decisions.
I can certainly tick off a list of dumb things that I did when I was that age–none of which I will ever admit to my children.
And now this scares me to death, because who knows what kind of trouble my own son, Cheetah Boy, is going to get into, now that he’s in middle school?
I feel much more frightened for him than ever before. After all, his brain hasn’t fully developed yet, while other parts of him are fully functional.
When he was a tyke, I controlled his world. Even when he was away from me, I picked out the babysitters, his friends and the schools he attended.
Now, suddenly, he’s 12 years old and moving away from my control, into a world that seems so alarming, where kids are taking and sending pornographic pictures of each other, not to mention drinking, taking drugs and listening to bands like AC/DC.
“You’re listening to AC/DC?” I recently shrieked at him, when I discovered a friend had introduced him to this heavy metal band, that I ignored for the last 30 years.
Don’t you legally have to become a drug addict, pierce your nipples and attempt suicide if you listen to heavy metal?
Friends tell me it’ll be even worse when he discovers nasty rap.
Never mind that my own mother was horrified when I started listening to Led Zeppelin 39 years ago.
“What did he say?” my horrified mother asked in alarm, as she vacuumed near the stereo set. “Squeeze my lemon? What does that mean?”
Well, of course I knew what it meant, but I played dumb for my mother’s sake. I imagine my son is doing the same for me.
Cheetah Boy, who’s almost as tall now as I am, now goes over to the houses of strange boys, whose parents I have only met because I insist on doing so–greatly to his mortification.
Sadly, he has stopped “playing” with other boys. Now he “hangs out” instead.
He does chores to earn the money to pay for his own cell phone, but then he texts every chance he gets.
He doesn’t want to go to church anymore, I have to make him.
His sister, Curly Girl, is only two years behind him, and I can pretty much tell already that she’ll be hell on wheels.
Every time Cheetah Boy’s out of my sight, I imagine he’s being tempted with alcohol or drugs. Even after talking to him 1,000 times, I worry he’ll make the wrong decision.
And how easy it would be, in a world where Hannah Montana can pose almost naked for Vanity Fair at age 15, and talk in the accompanying interview about how “Sex In the City” is her favorite show. Heck, that show is almost too mature for me.
Every time I read about some girl who got pregnant at age 12, I cringe and wish I could just lock my kids up until they’re 18.
Anyone know a good boarding school in Switzerland?
Hey, why not read more Frumpy Middleaged Mom? It’s 42% better than real life:-
Mommy, I’m still in your uterus, but can I have a cellphone?
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Teenage stupidity: So real, you can see it on a brain scan
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Is my kid’s school concert disturbing your phone call?
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Let’s confiscate cellphones of rude parents
14 Comments
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I feel your pain! My daughter is 13 going on 30 and everyday, there is a new and usually terrifying revelation yet there are also wonderful hints of a young woman who respects others and most importantly, herself. I attribute this to our (so far) open-line of communication (I am open when she is ready to talk and unless I feel that she is in some sort of danger, I do not meddle - hardest part); a carefully chosen (and painful to pay for) private school; and clear, realistic rules and boundaries at home. I am sometimes overwhelmed and humbled by her accomplishments and sense of herself. She has chosen to continue in her private school education through high school (I actually pushed for public), she was accepted at the school of her choice and decided on her own that she will work for a family friend this summer to help pay the $1,000 activity fee to be on pep squad. So far so good….yet I am still scared.
oH COME ON i I can dimly recall playing “doctor” over 30 years ago when I was under 12… kids will be kids and they are curious about the other sex’s body ( not just their own ) no matter how much ‘cooties’ they’re infected with. This has been happening since humans all started walking upright ( for you religous zealot this has happened since Eve tempted poor Adam with that apple
It is no different now. The only real difference may be now its not legal to marry if you’re under 15.
Our prudish attitudes make kids more curious about naked bodies at a younger age in my opinion.
Young girls just need to keep their clothes on and not send photos of themselves to friends. Duh. That was just plain stupid what she did.
Plus, the girl was only about 13 years-old? She’s acting like a hoar.
Anyone know a good boarding school in Switzerland?
I wish I did since I would send my kids there. Of course, the lessons they would learn are probably not what you expect. I spent five years in Germany and saw first hand a country that seems to have a sensible approach to teaching sexuality. You probably would be shocked to know that Curly Girl’s dolls, for the most part, are anatomically correct. That boys have some parts and girls have other parts is as inconsequential to German children as some people have brown eyes, some have blue. This naturally progresses into adolescence where toplessness at the town pool was the rule rather than the exception. Big deal! Bodies are not considered sexual forbidden fruit and no one saw them that way. Nobody was aroused by the sight which would drive an American teen boy wild with lust. The net effect, although the age of consent in Germany is fourteen, they and the rest of Europe have a lower teen pregnancy rate and a lower teen abortion rate than here in the states. We, on the other hand, are more than ready to punish those who want to show that boys don’t look like girls with possible fines, jail time or sex crime registries. I gotta scratch my head and wonder, who is going down the right path? Yes, it’s one thing when some sicko adult takes pictures of kids but I think it’s far different for otherwise normal kids? That being said, what was done was dumb, but dumb only because we live in genital-o-phobic America.
Anyone else know a good boarding school in Switzerland?
In regards to a good boarding school in Switzerland: I went to a boarding school, and I lived in Switzerland…although, granted not at the same time. Neither one sheltered me from the opposite sex. I think good communication is probably the best protection you can give your kids. If they can talk, they might also be more prone to listen.
I also went to a boarding school (here in good old CA) and got an really fast education on drinking, drugs and sex within the first month - not all first hand but mostly through roommates and dormmates. No amount of money can keep your children above these influences (and showering them with too much money, cell phones, computers, video cameras just gives them the means). Our collective job as parents is to teach respect for others and themselves and provide clear rules, boundaries and consequences. When they makes mistakes - and boy will they- it is our job to hold them accountable and make sure they take responsibility and make amends. In other words, teach tehme to be good people through leading by example!
If you have fear you lack faith. Believe in the foundation you have built with your children and keep communication lines open. What is important is sitting down with your children and speaking with them. Let them know your concerns and learn to listen to their side with out judgment, blame or anger.
playing doctor between a boy and a girl is different than having everyone at school seeing you naked! technology has made it easier for shenanigans like this to happen. as parents you just have to be more vigilant about raising your kids. times might have changed, but parenting is still parenting, that hasn’t change. it takes time and alot of effort, you took on that responsibility when you decided to have kids, when your 13 year old decides to whore around, that responsibility/consequence falls back on to you the parents. ok, we don’t want to be prudish with our bodies, but in the wrong hands these images just cause more harm than good, if you know what i mean.
Ok parents here’s a tip I researched that may solve some problems down the road. Sextexting is preventable… Yes I know it seemed so simple to me. Call your Phone carrier and request a “web block” or “block picture messaging”. Poof its handled. I called two of the most competitive retailers in our town and both told me this. No charge to fix the issue, children can still take pictures with their phones, they can still text back and forth just no picture sharing. Have a conversation with your children about the consequences sextexting, as with anything we provide our youth with, their comes responsibility. Talk, listen and be part of their world but put a safety net in if possible.
Nate Jensen
That is actually a great suggestion! Thanks for sharing it.
There is a solution to the SEXTING epidemic. One of the problems is that parents have NO VISIBILITY as to what their children are doing with their cell phones. Parents can’t protect their kids if they don’t know what is going on. The solution for this is a new software application for children’s cell phones called My Mobile Watchdog and this allows parents to monitor all activity going sent and received from a child’s phone including photos and text messages. Their website is http://www.mymobilewatchdog.com. Every parent must be involved in what their child is doing on their cell phone, and this also solves the problem with cyberbullying and child predators. It also allows you to print a report with the information so it can be submitted to authorities or school officials if needed.
I have a simple deterrence for sexting: monetize texting transcripts.
http://ideaclearinghouse.blogspot.com/2009/04/simple-deterrence-for-sexting.html
Ok, seriously back off the music!! I know that it isn’t the primary topic of this piece, but please, people, do not censor your children’s exposure to music. Especially at middle school age. At that age kids are trying on different musical hats and trying to find out what music they like, and I promise, whatever you think about a band is much much milder than what you imagine.
Also most of the most sexually charged music is the same music playing on classic rock stations. Why do we tolerate it? Familiarity. Soon AC/DC, or whatever music seems offensive will fade into familiarity and appear as harmless as The Rolling Stones or The Beatles.
Please allow your children to explore the world of music. Bands you may find offensive may give your child an escape or inspiration.
I agree with Tim. There is no point in censoring your child’s music. You will find they hear it anyway at sleepovers,etc. I usually just try to talk with my girls about the songs they are listening too. They all have MP3 players, and once and a while we will plug them into the car and everyone has a listen.
They also all have cell phones and they know that their cell phones are not exempt from being confiscated at any moment to view the content of text messages, etc. We also have the ability to view what they are sending and recieving online without their knowledge. I mean, they know about it, but no when we will do it. I guess it’s about finding ways to keep your kids on the up and up. I’m sure they resent me for it, but every now and then I do get to hear an I love you mom.