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Team moms: Parties are too expensive
November 17th, 2009, 12:08 pm · 39 Comments · posted by Marla Jo Fisher, Staff Writer
Dear Team Mom,
I’m just wondering: Why did you have to pick that expensive place for my son’s end-of-season soccer party? That, of course, is on top of the money I had to contribute for the coach’s gifts.
I appreciate the effort you have put into the season and the work you’ve done without pay for the boys. And certainly we want the coaches to be thanked for their service with a nice signed photo, handwritten cards or something meaningful and heart-felt.
But apparently you and other team moms who are lucky enough to have jobs, or who have the luxury of 
staying home while your husbands work, seem to be unaware that we have 10 percent unemployment in this country! It’s even higher where I live.
And many more people are underemployed, with jobs that barely cover the rent.
It’s not like we’re rocket scientists, where cutting corners could jeopardize missions to the Moon.
It’s little kids. It’s soccer. Please. My company cut my wages this year, and I lost my part-time job that paid for luxuries like overpriced end-of-season sports parties.
The smug complacency of people who just keep on finding ways for me to spend my money is annoying.
There’s no reason that every sports event has to be held in some pricey arcade.
When did soccer and Little League become irretrievably linked with video games, anyway?
At Cheetah Boy’s last game, I remember overhearing some dad telling the Team Mom, “I know my wife told you we can’t afford it, but we can,” and handing her over some cash. Well, that sop to his manly pride was probably money that his wife was planning to use for something unimportant. Like groceries.
Recently, at Cheetah Boy’s Boy Scout meeting, one of the dads complained to me about those people, i.e. parents who were griping about the cost and asking if it could be cheaper.
Well, hello, wake up, Daddy-O!
Just because you have a highly paid, secure professional job doesn’t mean everyone else does. Instead of sneering at people because they are finding Boy Scout trips too expensive, maybe you should find ways to cut the budget. Our troop actually is pretty flush. It can be done.
I was shocked this weekend to notice another big store in my neighborhood shopping center go dark. That’s three stores, just in our little center, that are empty now.
Next time you’re planning some event that kids are going to be required to attend, keep in mind that their parents might have worked in one of those stores.
I don’t let my kids play video games at home, yet I’m supposed to be forced to shell out big bucks for them to play them at the arcade, just so they can attend their end-of-season parties.
Well, why can’t we have that party at the same field where they played soccer? There’s a picnic table there. We can bring potluck. Then no one will be forced to spend money they don’t have just to avoid disappointing their kids.
Or you can come to my house. I’ll even clean it for the occasion. Believe me, that’ll be a first.
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Ugh. I hate it when people do that. At the very least those parents that are doing well could have the courtesey to offer to offset the cost for those that aren’t. (Not in a handout way, but some of the “rich” moms in our girl scout troop will occasionally pick up the tab for pricer indulgences for the girls without making a big deal of it. Which I appreciate.)
Last year, instead of having the girls pay individually for their end of year party, we agreed to pool our cookie money so that those of us with “super sellers” could help out the girls who barely earned a patch. It was not only nice not to pressure some poor family with having to shell out money just because their gal didn’t sell enough cookies, but I think it was also a good lesson in teamwork and sharing to the girls.
How interesting. when I was in Girl Scouts, all the money was pooled into the troop and there was no division between super sellers and those who sold the 50 boxes to get the patch. Are you saying that now days, the earnings stay with the girl? What is the point of selling them for the troop then?
There seems to be a greater encouragement to recognize individual efforts in the paperwork we got from the official Girl Scout people, and there were still sad feelings when some of the other girls got giant goodie bags of stuff for their sales, while other girls got just a patch and a couple small prizes, but I guess disappointment is a learning experience, too.
(Personally, I’m a little uncomfortable teaching my daughter to be an excellent sales woman, but at least she has some generous family members so she didn’t have to go door to door or anything.)
Boy Scouts is a different organzation then Girl Scouts. Cookie money is for the entire troop’s use and does not remain with any one specific girl. Some of the girls in our troop are “super sellers” while some are not - the total proceeds are used for troop activities, patches, supplies etc.
I feel the same way you do. I can’t afford going out so much. Why does everything have to include going out somewhere? Given the economy, I would think most people on the team can’t really afford all the going out either.
I think it takes a lot of courage to say “We can’t afford that.” I have enormous respect for people who live within their means. When my kids hear someone else say, “we can’t afford it.” they realize it’s not just ME.
I’ve been having a lot of the same thoughts lately. I even wrote a post about it on my blog.
Some people have too much time and money on their hands. Nice article!
Thanks! Why don’t you put a link to your blog.
Did you notice the article about the OC family set to appear on Platinum Babies this month? Talk about too much time and money on their hands. It’s kind of disgusting to think that they will spend more on their child’s first six months than some people will earn pre-tax all year.
Standby for the Prom Marla. Everything else dwarfs in comparison.
My parents made me pay for all my prom stuff - I got my dress on clearance at Charlotte Russe and we drove there in my truck. And since I insisted on dating a slacker in high school, I also paid for his tux and dinner.
Hoorah for feminisim?
for my prom we car pooled in a friends mons mini van and my dates parents cook and served us a beutiful dinner it was the best time i had for a school dance way more fun the the dinners out we did on other dance nights…
and the memories are more special when the parents pitch in to make it special..
Bravo! I agree. My oldest is involved in soccer and fortunately she is well aware that I, if necessary, will say no if the budget won’t allow for it. Or if she wants that cute cardigan she saw online…
I am happy to go to the party coming up but she knows I won’t be shelling out cash for games or getting any extras.
This reminds me of that Friends episode (early on) when Joey and Phoebe couldn’t afford things the way others could. Then they go to celebrate Monica’s promotion and have to point out to everyone that they had very purposely ordered almost nothing because that was all they could afford…
In the end, people just don’t get it. And who is going to let EVERYONE know (esp with those we maybe only met less than 3 months ago?) they aren’t in a position to even allow a pizza and some games?
You are completely right, Marla. What can be done to clue everyone in? Seriously.
Hello!
Maybe they want to keep that particular place in business by going there.
Our solution way back when was a soccer goal container.
Every goal that was made, everyone put in a quarter, or more, this included grandparents or family visiting. It did add up to a year end party and some gifts too.
Snacks after the game - everyone took turns and shared this too, which could include cheap made cupcakes.
Of course your team has to have a good team and make goals!
If our budget was tight I would have the boys offer to wash our neighbors cars and take out their trash to earn their own way there, this also helped them understand that you have to work for something extra.
Also if it was an expensive place during high school seasons, only I would go and not my husband or other kids.
Yes it gets more expensive, the older they get…Our kids had to have a job and pay half of the car insurance to drive. That helped too, they learn to not take things for granted.
Lisa
YOU ARE SO RIGHT ON! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK, LET THEM KNOW HOW HARD YOU WORK. LET THEM KNOW WE NEED TO CUT BACK ON SPENDING AND FIND A WAY TO BE THANKFUL WITHOUT SPENDING OUR MONEY ON SILLY GIFTS TO SOMEONE WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE VOLUNTEERING OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF THEIR HEART. WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO PLAIN OLD GET TOGETHER, SOCIAL , INTERMINGLING GAMES? THANK YOU FOR BEING A PRACTICAL , THINKING , NO NONSENSE KIND OF PERSON! GO GIRL!!!!!KATHY
I think the coaches do deserve a gift, but why not have all the boys sign a picture and put it in a nice frame? Total cost: $5 or less. And more meaningful too than some gift card.
Years ago, the gift to our coaches was simply a soccer ball with the signatures of all the players on it. We never did pricey gifts for the coaches.
And the best end-of-season parties were potlucks in the park with kid vs. parent game. I think even the kids would agree … nothing beats scoring a goal against or getting a hit off a parent.
I like the idea of potlucks or a get-together without food. A lot of parents are embarrassed if they can’t afford something when it seems like everyone else can. Any event where everyone is expected to participate should be accessible by all.
Times are tough now, but even when times aren’t tough, there’s likely to be at least one family that needs to be careful with their splurges.
Besides, we’re sending the message to our kids that it’s about money. You have to be relatively well off to play an organized sport or activity. That’s crazy.
next season be the team mom…problem solved and one less post gripping about it…
As I recall from my son’s Little League days, there’s lots more to gripe about when you are Team Mom. Be careful what you ask for of Frumpy Mom, sipote!
Well, sipote, to the best of my recollection you have never left a single comment on my blog since the beginning that wasn’t a complaint or a gripe of some kind about it, so maybe you should be the blogger. problem solved and less griping.
how is a solution to the problem a gripe?
Anyhow, I always complained how late my daughter’s first soccer coach held practice! Tired of my complaining/griping, my wife said, i should coach her team next season. I did so and held the practice at MY convenience…You don’t like the time? The way I hold practice regardless of how many games we lose? Then, please volunteer next season. Never had any issues with team mom either, because she’s always been my wife…
Did you ever think the soccer Coachs might want a gift card to Target , Outback or something they could use in there everyday life when they are a little broke. And with 15 kids on a team each kick in 2 or 3 dollars maybe 5 if everyone can afford it. It just out of control, my work want everyone in the dept to chip in for our bosses for Xmas. They want 20 dollars per person, are you kidding me??, they each make close to 200k, spend money like it water and our deptment has 2 single moms, 5 people with a spouse out of work and the rest are deciding what they have to give up to afford this.
You are supposed to chip in twenty bucks to buy a gift for your BOSS?? OK that is definitely out of control! Do they take the names of the people who won’t cough up? That is so cheesy I can’t believe it.
Sounds about like my office, only we have 3 bosses and have to “donate” at least $20 per boss. They make at least 10 times what we do. It usually means we worker bees have to cut something else out of our budgets. The kick for me is most of the time they don’t even use what we give them or they “regift” it to someone else in their circle of friends.
This is simply unbelievable!
Then don’t do it this year. Simply say “Sorry, I can’t give $60 for bosses”.
Whether you can afford it or not, why do we have to have our kids be so over indulged for participating in sports! Good old days it was a quick pizza party after the last game. Now we have to out do the other teams and create bounce houses and catered food parties!
I would rather give more money to the coaches gifts since they are the ones who volunteer their time while we get “free” babysitting!
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I do agree with the idea of the post. However, I don’t like how you seemed to have bashed the team mom. My kids are older and we’re done with sports (Yes!). I hated the “travel team” and all the expenses with that. Thankfully it was within CA but still I’ve heard of people flying to Florida and other places so their kids could play in the “National” tournament. Come on, they were 10 years old. I would NEVER, EVER do that. And then here’s high school sports. Talk about $$$$.
Thanks for saying what so many are feeling. I’m past the kids stage and activities and have a good job. I am blessed. However, many are not so fortunate in these troubled times. God Bless You for standing up for the less fortunate. And….God Bless the Register for printing your articles. Monday’s paper is my favorite thanks to you!
Publicly throwing the team-mom under the bus was a real cheap shot (no pun intended). Even if you think she’s as stuck-up, shallow and awful as this column portrays, singling her out was just plain mean and pretty surprising.
As a coach, I see how much time and effort so many volunteers put in so that kids like yours can play. But this team-mom’s efforts are for naught since she planned an end of year party at a place that had video games and included chipping in on a coach’s gift? Really? Even if this did put you out as much as you indicate, you could’ve made your point without sucker punching the team-mom.
At the same time, it would be interesting to hear about the next time you run into this horrible and snooty team-mom, or maybe that won’t bother you since you despise her so much already.
I like a lot of your other columns but this one was really obnoxious, even by Frumpy Mom standards.
I just read the article and I kind of agree that sometimes people spend there money and mine without thinking. I coached my son’s ayso team this season because I love it, not because I am getting a gift. I am also coaching because last time he played the coach was an idiot. Instead of complaining I volunteered to do it myself. My advice, next time volunteer and be the team mom. And for all of the unemployed parents out there volunteer at your kids school, cub scout troop, or sports team, because you now have the time.
Sorry but I just had to drop Curly Girl off at HER end of season soccer party and, guess what? I had to give her money for video games too! Why do I have to pay for my kid to play video games just so she can get her trophy and say goodbye to her teammates. Yet if I don’t give her money for the video games, then I’m the evil witch mom and my daughter becomes the charity case. That in this economic climate is JUST B.S.!!!!!!!!!!!!
I agree that when your kids are in team sports and scouting you are constantly being asked for money. Add in public schools with all of their fundraising and teacher gifts and it is a bit much.
We refused to sell highly overpriced popcorn this year which is sometimes $40 a container when you can buy something similar for $5 at Walmart. The markup is ridiculous and it is pure profit for the scouts. Their uniforms are ridicuoulously overpriced and we pay dues every year, yet they want us to sell the popcorn in the fall and the Scout coupon books in the Spring. I had to pay $50 for coupon books and ended up only selling 2. Thankfully, I used the coupons from the other 3 books myself. We have to pay for the camping trips we go on and some of them have not been cheap considering we had multiple families using one camping space. What gets me the most is that the weeklong camp at Camp Pendelton required a parent to work one day of it for each kid and it was about $175 a week if I remember correctly. Why would I pay $350 for 2 boys to attend a five day camp that I have to work 2 whole days of? It just doesn’t make sense.
But, then again I saw posted on your OC Register watchdog blog that the head of OC Scouts which is supposedly a non profit makes $300,000 a year and the head of our National Scouting makes nearly a million dollars a year.
In closing, I share your frustration at the smug attitudes of the “haves” who are oblivious to the struggles of some of the “have nots” or “don’t have as much.” Try living in South OC you will really want to scream. Hopefully, as the economy continues to worsen some of these smug folks will snap back into reality.
On the soccer team I coached, no one volunteered to be team mom. However, I asked everyone what they wanted to do for a team party and gave them a range of options from cheap to expensive. The consesus was a mid-range option, bowling party with pizza. It averaged $15.00 a person for a 2 1/2 hour party. The boys and parents loved it. No pressure for the extras like video games.
For T-ball, when I coached, it was a hot summer day and we did water gun fights with an ice cream social. The boys loved it there too but again, we gave the parents a range of options. Did you speak up when given the chance or did the team mom not give you any options? Did you discuss with other parents? Usually team parties are discussed on the sideline well before the actual event.
If you were blind-sided by the team party and the expense; were you friendly with the other parents? How did the parents not have any say in the team party?
good post Sydney…
Getting volunteers has always been an issue for all my daughter’s team I have coached…In the end, my wife ends up being the default TM…During games she makes sure she gets an idea of what the parents are comfortable with…this last season not many folks wanted to pay for a mid-size party, so we did the Goal-can and passed it around when ever the girls scored (very rare! LOL)…all this stuff was hashed out during games/practices among the parents…no one was blindsided if the TM and/or coach communicate everything throughout the season.
I so agree about the cost of school sports parties. I have a big pet peeve and that is the huge fee that they charge parents to watch their kids play high school sports; my 2 daughters play volleyball for a high school in the Seaview League and they charge $6 for a game that usually goes an hour to an hour and half. This is on top of fees of $325 for the season $200 for summer off season (which you have to do if you want to make the team) and another $200 after season is over for conditioning. High school sports has become financially unreachable for a lot of people. Being a single parent trying to put my last 2 kids through high school is a burden in this economy. If you have time, could you investigate where the money goes for the volleyball games in the Seaview league and what it is used for. None of it goes the schools for the program or at least that’s what I’ve been told. I called CIF to inquire but no one seems to know anything about it. Thanks for the column…
If you dont want to pay for the parties and costs of being in scouts and these soccer teams, then dont participate. And you don’t let your kids play video games? Why? Are they from the devil or something? Maybe your kids would not care about an arcade considering the best games are not there, and would rather be home with you playing something that you could watch over. Geesh, 12 years with that kid and you act like some kind of rookie mom. Video games are just another part of the social interactions kids have these days, just like sports and the internet. You deprive them of that, its like depriving them of all candy. And it backfires, leading to fat adults who adore the candy when mommy isnt around to tell them no.