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I’m flunking the 7th grade
November 24th, 2009, 9:10 am · 57 Comments · posted by Marla Jo Fisher, Staff Writer
I didn’t fail the 7th grade when I was 12 years old, and I certainly never thought I would have to live through it all again.
But that was before I had a 12-year-old kid who seems determined to give me a stroke before he can grow up, or at least drive me into a lunatic asylum.
Cheetah Boy is a really, really smart kid. But he has been so scatterbrained with his work this year that I finally took over with personal supervision.
A couple of weeks ago, I started forcing him to sit down with me every day after school, and go over everything he did in class that day, including reviewing his homework and any assignments due the following day.
He’s not really in favor of this process.
At first, he indicated his disapproval by refusing and pitching giant fits.
There was a lot of screaming and yelling on both our sides as I insisted that as God is my witness, he would be passing the 7th grade.
Eventually after a few days he stopped at least the most vigorous complaining. There is still some passive resistance, but we’ve made progress.
Fortunately, he’s good in math, since I could not do his 7th grade algebra to save my life. I couldn’t do 7th grade algebra when I was actually in 7th grade many years ago.
I certainly can’t do it now.
News flash: We interrupt this blog post to record the phone call I just received from Cheetah Boy at 8:52 a.m. “Hey Mom, I forgot my planner, can you bring it to school for me?” No, sorry dude, I don’t fetch and carry things that kids forgot. Thanks for proving my point, though, about how scatterbrained you have become. Yesterday he forgot his school badge and had to sit at detention for lunch. Now, back to your regularly scheduled column.
The thing that’s really annoying though about all this studying is that I looked online yesterday, at Cheetah Boy’s grades that are posted on the School Loop website every day, and we have an “F” in English!
He failed to turn in an important essay that comprised a huge amount of his grade, one that I know he worked on and that he assured me was turned in.
He also got 48 out of 72 on his cluster test–a test that we studied hard for on Sunday afternoon and restudied again Monday morning, a test that he knew every answer to when he walked out the door on Monday. So how on God’s green earth could he have only gotten 75 percent?
After I finished yelling at him about the “F” and telling him he’s grounded from TV and computers, and grounded to the yard until that “F” comes up to a “B,” he managed to find the assignment he was supposed to turn in.
It was under the couch.
God help us all.
I wasn’t too crazy about going through 7th grade and I don’t like reliving it, either. But if I have to relive it again with him, then WE WILL NOT BE FLUNKING.
Why can’t he be more like his sister? Curly Girl loves school and gets straight A’s.
Meanwhile, I’ll be guzzling some of the Sauza Gold tequila I bought Sunday at Albertsons on sale for $5.99.
As Bartles and James said, thank you for your support.
More about Cheetah Boy, Curly Girl and their schoolwork:
- Obama’s shocking message: Do your homework
- Homework is two four-letter words
- My big, fat, outrageously expensive school trip
- The horrible curse of the science project
- We got a “B” on our science project
- Should I let my son get detention at school?
- Phone calls you never want to get
Read more Frumpy Middleaged Mom:
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If you would like to be on a mailing list to receive a link to each new Frumpy mom blog post, email me, mfisher@ocregister.com. I used to make a joke here about selling your names to porn companies, but apparently some people thought I was serious, so that joke will no longer appear here.
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This was too funny. What I used to tell my 2 kids was that they could do anything they wanted to do as long as they kept their grades up. It seemed to work pretty well. Also, I’m glad you are feeling better since your surgery.
OMG- this is exactly how my son’s first quarter of 7th grade just ended, including me sitting every afternoon with him and going class by class over his work. Thanks for letting me know i’m not alone.
Once again, you’ve put into words the thoughts and feelings of all Moms (frumpy and/or not). I just love reading about your adventures in child raising survival. Maria Jo, you’re a very bright light a morning read that is often disheartening. As the mother of a frumpy middleaged mom… that makes me the frumpy (squared) ‘gamma’… I will follow your columns forever!!! Encouraging hugs to you!!!
Once again, you’ve put into words the thoughts and feelings of all moms (frumpy and/or not). I just love reading about your adventures in child raising survival. Maria Jo, you’re a very bright light in a morning read that is often disheartening. As the mother of a frumpy middleaged mom… that makes me the frumpy (squared) ‘gamma’… I will follow your columns forever!!! Encouraging hugs to you!!!
Post
The expression on his face in the picture says it all!
Adopt a new mantra, Marla: Nothing with kids lasts forever. Michael’s a great kid. He’ll be OK. But you both may suffer for a bit until he hits his stride.
Maybe this is too personal and if so don’t feel obligated to answer, but have he been tested for attention disorders or other learning disorders? I was a really smart and disorganized student myself and as an adult realized that I probably had ADD. It didn’t “exist” at the time and I just had to learn how to keep track of stuff and deal with the consequences. You seem like a mom who covers all the bases, so you may have already dealt with this stuff. It’s tough to be a kid with lots of distractions but learning discipline - as you are teaching him - doesn’t come overnight. It will pay off in the long run!
Our worst school homework/classwork nightmare. Julian received a 22 out of 22 (yep, extra credit) on a big computer class test. But didn’t get me to sign it. As a result, it went to zero and he got a C in the class. So far this year, we’ve had lost tests, lost books, lost homework assignments — he did one three times before finding the originals. And now, in 5th grade, his teachers are grading all classwork and homework — so if those aren’t perfect, the grade drops. Late work? The grade drops. Bad handwriting? The grade drops. I’ve never seen a smart kid struggle so hard to keep up his grades.
Sorry, that should be 22 out of 20…
I think it’s ridiculous to give a kid zero on a perfect test just because dad didn’t sign it.
Are you on vacation?
Awards to you for being a parent! Of course he “did” the homework and did not turn it in. It is part of his rebellion at this age. It’s not cool to be smart in 6th-12th grade. But you as the parent know better and didn’t play into his game! Good for you Mom!
Well, you’ve discovered two truths:
1) Insanity is hereditary: you get it from your kids.
2) Heredity doesn’t require blood relation.
Poor Cheetah boy probably suffers from my affliction: forgetful ADD. It doesn’t help to know it, but I guess it’s comforting that it’s labeled. I have an IQ of 135, and got Fs, Ds, Cs, Bs, and the occasional A.
I finished High School with a GPA of 2.7, but managed to get into college on the strength of my SAT scores.
I think Cheetah Boy is probably even more disappointed than you that he put in the work, and didn’t get credit for it.
Oh, and don’t keep comparing him to Curly Girl. I’m sure he’s all to aware how perfect his sister is.
He needs to find his own motivation, and it doesn’t sound like competing with Curly Girl will be it. Maybe finding out that the girls like high scorers will do it!
Actually I did have him tested last year for ADD and he doesn’t have it. His principal told me what he has is “Middle-school-itis” which apparently is not fatal though it might be to his mom. Oh gee that’s funny I should have put it in the blog, huh?
The principal said that? What a jacka$$.
LOL, my son is now 21 and at Saddleback. Now that he WANTS to go to school, his grades are great. Middle and High school? Not so much. I feel better knowing that most parents of sons have gone through the same thing.
trying to force a kid who hates school to excel is ludicrous. if you keep pushing for good grades that dont come, you and your kid will have a coronary. once they turn 12, the majority of how there going to function in school is carved in stone. instead, find out what there interested in and push that instead, you will both be glad and who knows that interest might make them a billionair-you never know.
Mr. Diepenbrock-my friend has a genius level son who got poor grades throughout because our schools put far too much emphasis on scoring the busy-work. He aced all of the tests, doesn’t that tell a teacher that he obviously knew the material? But when busywork is 50% of your grade, it doesn’t matter. I think that homework is meant to reinforce what students learn in class. if they get it, why should they have to do homework? Just to make us crazy? A means of control? I understand the merit of special projects, but forcing bright students who don’t need the extra work, to waste time doing homework is ridiculous.
Hello!
“Lead by example” mom. If you don’t want him yelling, don’t yell at him.
If you forget something, you would certainly ask him to bring it to you,
put yourself in his shoes, at least he called you and asked you to bring something he’d forgotton. I would have said “I’ll take a hug for that.” bring it to him and appreciate the call for help, he is reaching out to you and being honest.
Have the studying place away from distractions if you can,- including the t.v. , phone etc. (in the picture was that a puzzle on the table?)
Have it the same place, this helps much.
Try to time it so it doesn’t end up being too long and drawn out.
We try to have parent interviews every six months and write down on paper their goals: 6 month, 1 year, 5 year, 10 year.
We always write accomplished goals, or something we have noticed that is going good for them.
We ask about their relationship with their siblings. This is great to get their feelings out.
We also ask if there is anything else that needs to be talked about.
Have a fun Thanksgiving!
Lisa
I had a similar problem in Middle School, wherein I went from math genius to flunking Algebra. But I had moved in the middle of a school year and gone from a school in a not very nice part of La Habra to a super ritzy school in Yorba Linda, so I had some trouble adjusting. Any major changes in friends or something like that might be affecting him?
My daughter is also extremely disorganized, but her teacher has an ingenius little device called the “homework folder”, which is basically just a giant lamented manila envelope, but it works pretty good. During the day, anything that needs to go home (teacher notes, homework, flyers for the school Chirstmas pagent) go in the folder, We go over it at home, seperate out whatever needs to go back, then she does it, and it goes back in the folder, when then (in theory) goes into the backpack. It isn’t always a perfect system, but it works alot better than the giant pile of random papers that are usually in her backpack.
My daughter is going into the 7th grade next year. I keep telling her it is about to get more complicated so she needs to work hard now so it is a breeze then. She does not take that seriously.
This year in the 6th grade she is SUPER advanced in math and english and in the gate program. But her regular class work she got the lowest grades of her life this last semester. I told her for anything below average next semester is a week grounding. No TV, no friends, no cell phone, no music, and no grandmas house.
I’ve never read your blog before, but I think I’m hooked after this article. I’m the mother of an 11 year old 6th grader, and a little one coming next month.
My son knows what my expectations are and in the beginning of the year, he REALLY tried to test me. Luckily, I keep in close contact with his teacher and she’s up to speed. I love her!
He forgot an important assignment in the earlier part of the year, and she gave him a chance to turn it in. Unfortunately, he did not take her up on her offer and I received a call from one quivery little voice saying his teacher is making him call because he didn’t have his homework.
I spoke to him and to his teacher. When he got home that night, I asked if he had started crying in class. He said yes and I said GOOD!
I told him I was glad that he cried in front of his school mates because he was given many opportunities and didn’t take them. I little humiliation never killed anyone.
That was the last forgotten assignment. I recently went to his parent/teacher conference where he got RAVE reviews from his teacher.
And that’s exactly what I expect. And I STILL thanked him for a wonderful report card, a great conference and for him being such a great kid.
For parents seeking homework help for their teenagers, Surf Central offers free peer tutoring in central Orange County. Advanced placement high school students do the tutoring, with the help of screened adult volunteers, so it removes some of the “ugh” factor teens often feel.
Surf Central is currently closed for the Thanksgiving holiday, but feel free to stop by and check it out next week, when this non-profit homework help center will be open to middle school students on Wednesday from 3PM to 6PM, and to high school students on Thursday from 3PM to 6PM.
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woah, the kid’s got a PLANNER? I’m impressed. I was never that organized in 7th. One thing he knows for sure, his mom loves him, or she wouldn’t be torturing herself trying to pass the 7th grade again. Way to go Marla!
P.S. Thanks for the Albertson’s tip. What’s the price for Bailey’s?
I think the Bailey’s was $9.99 or $10.99….I didn’t look that hard because last year I just inhaled that Baileys over the holidays, it went so fast!
Bailey’s is currently $12.99 for 375 ml, $16.99 for 750 ml at Albertsons.
And if you saved the $3 coupon from a few Sundays ago, you could use it on the 750 ml bottle (but not the 375 ml).
Wait - this isn’t the Deals blog?
No but we parents must stick together!
7th grade is a hard year for many kids. It was for my 3. Helping him stay on track is great but you might want to go easy on the “scatterbrain” comments and understand it is a really tumultuous time for kids.
It sounds to me like your son has ADHD. I have this disorder and I exceled in math and aced the tests in math. But when it came to other subjects I could have all the answers right before the test and still score a 65% This would irritate my mother to no end. Especially because school was so easy for my sisters. I learned after school that it was not my ADHD that held me back. But I needed to learn how to study. I like to skip steps and it sounds to me like he does the same thing. And it is not that he is absent minded or that he is scatterbrained it means he looks at things differently than others. How to get a project done quicker. A role model in his life could make a huge difference. I don’t know if there is a dad in his life so maybe a big brother role. Where he could give him progress reports. But I wish you the best of luck and hope everything works out for you. Just a suggestion from a fellow ADHD person. Huge signs. Thanks
I find this column disturbing. All of this “we” implies it’s equally about you and not just about him; taking personal responsibility requires Cheetah Boy to own it 100%. Taking ownership isn’t going to solve anything in the long term, especially as he matures and increasingly wants independence.
He is trying to do some things on his own, like maintaining a Planner, but when he reaches out for help with this you deny him. You are quick to point out his personal failures and punish him accordingly one moment, then later you share in the responsibility by going over school work and homework with him: there MUST be a less chaotic way.
If he’s not interested in school, I’d focus on what he is interested in and help him understand how school success will support that (example: if he’s into sports, then maintaining good grades will be required for Varsity, and he won’t make it there if he doesn’t dedicate himself now).
Hello!
I agree!!!! She should have appreciated when he called, and she needs to stay focussed on being a mother figure and stop judging him so harshly, particularly boys, they are so smart to know if she is serious or not.
Why is it that anytime a kid acts up he’s got ADHD? Give me a frik’n break. 9 out of 10 children who’s parents think they have ADHD are simply brats who are used to getting what they want and have become experts at manipulating the parent(s).
I applaud the author’s efforts to shape up the kid, he’ll thank her for it one day - I just hope it is not too late.
It is unfortunate how some parents wait until there is big trouble in school to try and teach the child some structure and discipline. As another poster said earlier, by the time you’re 12, your habits are pretty much set in stone. Start early and keep a constant eye on their progress. If you can’t or won’t, why have kids?
Please don’t give up. Our schools are filled with mediocre children who’s parents have found it much easier to give in than to be a parent. Shell out the tough love when needed and keep pushing for excellence. Otherwise, be prepared to have a 26-yr old community college dropout living with you in your house…
You seem to not believe in ADHD, thats extremely unfortunate. I have been struggling with ADHD since I was 7, and there are NO effective treatments. (adderol or riddilin may help, but they still don’t work)
You’re probably thinking that anyone who is diagnosed with ADHD is just lazy, while it may be true of some individuals, It cant be said for the whole group.Try putting yourself in their shoes, Imagine forgetting what you’re saying mid-sentance frequently, going upstairs and forgetting why when you’re there. I have to blast soft techno music to read, I cant do it if there’s a cricket outside( I’m dead serious.)
Also, your statistics seem a little off, 9 out of 10 seems a little high doesn’t it? Try 3% to 5%.
Dismissing the existence of ADHD is like making fun of the kid with a speech impediment. In fact, I’m going to sit in the corner and cry now.
Hey, using the expression “we” was a joke. Get it? Humor. Every parent I’m friends with takes their kids’ school performance personally. I have no problem demanding good work from my son. A kid who can learn to work a strange TV remote in a hotel room in 10 seconds flat can memorize a list of spelling words. It’s unfortunate he doesn’t care about his schoolwork at this stage of his life, but I care about it, and I will see to it that he doesn’t have a career that involves asking, “Do you want fries with that?” He only has a planner because his school demands that every kid use one and it is a good tool, but, sorry, I’m not his personal slave and delivery assistant when he forgets something, he does without.
Marla, there’s an article on Time.com about helicopter parents that you would appreciate. I linked it from my site. It’s all about finding the balance between total control over everything the kid does and no control over what they do. For the record, I think you are doing an admirable job raising two kids you really wanted, by yourself. It’s not easy as a married working mom of one, I can’t even put myself into your shoes. Keep up the good work! I still remember my dad sitting down with me over algebra. Even though I hated it at the time, I deeply appreciate that he did it for me.
Hi Marla, I am a 53 yo mom who had my first son at age 42ish and second son at age 45ish. They are now 10 and 6. And yes, I do take their work personally, and I totally get the tongue-in-cheek humor of using the “we” expressions. For example, I love the experience of re-learning 1st grade and 5th grade lessons, esp the social studies. But the math is starting to get hard. I help both my kids with their homework, which I suspect is part of the reason that we feel we are going through it all over again. When we hit 7th grade, although I was an A student in Algebra and Geometry, I think we’ll get a tutor (maybe the peer tutors will work)! As a frumpy old mom myself, I do get your humor and enjoy your column. Thanks!
OMG…..I am about 8-9 years away from “re-entering the 7th grade” and now I’m scared! I am pretty confident I am raising a genius (aren’t we all?!) so maybe, just maybe, I won’t have much homework to do???? Keep up the good work, love your column. Cheetah boy will be so thankful for all you do for him and Curly Girl - oh, say in about 10 year or so? Happy Thanksgiving to you guys!
Frumpy middle age mom…what in your life makes you happy? From the few columns I’ve read all you do is complain about one thing or another. I suppose from your name (frumpy….) you are using humor to mask your insecurities about your appearance. You adopted 2 kids on your own? That’s so amazing! But, you call them names(Cheetah and Curly) and talk about their issues in a public forum. They must be terribly embarrassed if their friends say anything. They are at sensitive ages, they don’t want attention from a frumpy mom writing about them. You survived a brain tumor. Awesome! I survived stage 4 cancer. Awesome for me. You chose to adopt 2 kids. Of course life is crazy and schedules are nuts. But, how about blogging something other than poor me, poor life.
I’m curious.. Are you a parent “me”? I find it weird/funny that you consider this complaining.. I am a parent of a 7 year old & I find these articles almost like a lunch talk with a friend who also has a kid my age.. just a way to swap stories/advice/funny anedotes.. ???
i meant a “kid my kid’s age”
Yes m.e. I am a mom of 2 older children, 24 and 17. I wonder how Cheetah Boy feels about people knowing he is flunking math or 7th grade or however she worded it. When your 7 year old becomes a 12 year old you will understand how emotional they are all through middle and high school.
All I know now that my kids are 26 and 33 is that ultimately they find their own way…and it don’t matter much what that is is long as they are healthy, happy and not in the slammer.
My kids are too fastidious to function without shoe laces.
“they ultimately find their own way”
of course they do, but if you don’t do your absolute best to keep them on the right track they will find the EASIEST way which may not be the best for them, their families or society as a whole.
For the record, my kids love being the stars of their own blog and newspaper column and I call them by their pet names (Curly Girl because she has curly hair and Cheetah Boy because he runs fast) to give them a modicum of privacy.
You are doing what good moms all over the world do. Just ask him where his school work is when he gets home. Have him tell you what homework he has and tell him he has one hour to unwind and then the 2 of you will begin to do his homework. It is bonding time for you and Cheeta Boy. It is also learning time for both of you. Keep this up for 2 months and I am almost certain you will only have to initiate this routine 2 times a week instead of every day. Don’t forget to ask him when he leaves for school every morning if he has everything he needs for the day. He is just learning to be responsible and he needs mom’s help to do this. President Obama said his mother had a talk with him. He did not say how many times she had the same talk. Probably many time. Its what good mothers do.
A Mom
In Utah some schools do ZAP. Zeroes aren’y permitted. No homework turned in and the child gets a zap or green slip to go th study hall during lunch to be helped with homework by a counselor. It works.
Margaret Newbury
Oh, my gosh! How funny was your column this morning??? Having raised one girl and two boys it was truly the same experience…only my boys NEVER had homework! I guess the teachers really liked them or something????
I also have an in-home tutoring service and I get MANY calls from moms who need ‘Homework Help’ for their sons. Very few calls for that for girls, however.
Keep up your great columns….you point out the real things in life and present them in a hilarious manner!!! I look forward to your columns in the morning….that and my coffee (no tequila in it, though!)
I was thinking whether I should put him in a tutoring program like the Sylvan Learning Center, but yikes, I went online and there were so many complaints about that company it really freaked me out! Too bad I don’t cover education anymore, I could look into it more thoroughly.
As a mom of an 8th grade boy (and 2 toddlers) and being a full-time grad student (in Education, yes!) at Chapman …. I loved this column!! So true, so very, very true!! What a great laugh I had this morning!
And for goodness sakes, after reading some very sweet, but some also very misguided comments above, I have a lot of respect for Ms. Fisher for just putting it out there!!
Ms.Fisher - In my experience, you are on the right track - organization (and that planner) is the key!! I may be frugal, but if you can carve out the time to review his work and help him organize it at home, he will benefit far more than going to a tutor. But just let me know if he ever needs help with the algebra
Marla: This column gave me flashbacks (which is better than hot flashes). My son seemed to require constant nagging from middle school through high school. I hated my role as nagger-in-chief and I’m sure he didn’t like it much either.
Maybe one simple math problem you could go over with him is how much damage a zero does to a grade (as opposed to partial credit for being late, incomplete or incorrect). It’s huge!
There is hope: Son went from 3.2 high school GPA with constant monitoring and nagging to 3.8 freshman college GPA with NO monitoring and nagging. Who knew?
What I recall is that we did not have homework until high school and I went to private school. I think we are asking too much of our kids in terms of organization etc. At your son’s age, he should be doing work in class only. Homework should start until they are older.
I sent you an email before I saw this blog site and just wanted to let you know that as a private tutor, I help so many boys at that age. It really helps to keep in touch with their teacher so you have knowledge of all assignments and when they are due. I even keep copies of papers I help them with so I can fax at the last minute so they don’t lose points.
For the kids, it is knowing that there is someone helping them keep track and also someone in their corner getting them through subjects they aren’t thrilled to be studying, etc. You are so not alone in this as evidence from the above messages.
After reading your article about your son’s change in school habits,it sounded just like my grand-son. I sent article to my daughter and her response was “I could have written this article, word for word” I believe it is an adolescent stage. This too will change. 7th and 8th grade are challenging times for both the child and parent.
It’s the 7th grade, relax
Actually, I know it’s only the 7th grade, but it is important. They use the 7th grade grade point average and test scores to determine who gets into which cluster in high school.
I want him in the smart kid cluster, not the cluster of kids who never did their homework. He’ll be stuck with those kids all through high school, and I want him to be with smart kids that will hopefully encourage his own intelligence. Not with the screw-ups who will end up dropping out.
Wow, your son forgot something and you refused to help him? Do you think that will help him with his grades considering there was possibly something he needed in there?
Does your method of forcing him to sit there and do his stuff seem to help? The “F” in English doesn’t suggest to me that it does.
That picture of him you posted isn’t flattering and neither is comparing him to his sister who is doing better. Both of those things are demeaning.
I had parents like you, i learned more and my work became a better quality when they finally backed off. Your parenting style will make him resent you and school. It’s absolutely soul crushing. Just as a side note, bribing him into better grades most likely wont work, in case you were possibly wondering about trying that. At least hasn’t worked with anyone I’ve known.
The only thing that really works for long is getting him to care, then from then on it should run itself.
Hey, maybe if he was allowed to play video games he wouldn’t suck so much as school.
Remember that comment you deleted from your other thread? I’ll refresh your memory: It was the one who claimed that gamers are far smarter than non-gamers.
The proof is in the pudding, well, not really, seeing as your brain is pretty much pudding.
But seriously lady, you’re not a carrot. Get your head out of the dirt.