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The Mom Blog ~ OC Register staff and guest writers share their parenting stories.

Archive for the 'Frumpy Middleaged Mom - Marla Jo Fisher' Category

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Kids sliding downhill fast today

February 8th, 2010, 10:40 am by Marla Jo Fisher, Staff Writer

My friend Scott just came by and picked up my kids to take them up to Snow Valley resort this morning, since their school is closed today.

Cheetah Boy likes to snowboard and actually stayed vertical for entire minutes at a time during his previous three lessons.

I still find it amazing that he wants to strap what is essentially a large tongue depressor onto his feet and try to slide down an icy mountain on it, without even a pair of poles to try to break his fall.

cheetahboysnowballCurly Girl, however is demonstrating her own brand of courage, by actually learning the old-fashioned sport of skiing.

As you may know, kids today do not learn how to ski. They snowboard instead, because all juveniles travel in packs and are legally prevented from doing anything that’s not exactly what their friends are doing.

For some reason, though, Curly Girl rebelliously wants to ski, like the old codgers up on the slopes, which means that she stays upright most of the time on her short learner skis. It also means that she is likely to be the only kid in the group “learn to ski” class, so I essentially get a private lesson for the price of a group. I like that part.

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Posted in: Frumpy Middleaged Mom - Marla Jo Fisher • • • • • • • • • | 12 Comments »

Curly Girl has an agenda

February 3rd, 2010, 7:03 am by Marla Jo Fisher, Staff Writer

I just found a page torn from a notebook on the kitchen counter, where my 11-year-old daughter, Curly Girl left it.

It was written in purple pencil.

She obviously scribbled it last night, to prepare before her fifth-grade class went on a whale watching field trip this morning.

This is what it said:

AGENDA

  • Get up at 6:00. VERY IMPORTANT.
  • Take shower
  • Do hair
  • Put on robe
  • Eat
    sandypizzaweb1

    Curly Girl making pizza dough from scratch

  • Brush teeth
  • Put in earings
  • Get dressed
  • Pack lunch
  • Sandwich, cheese, blueberries, other fruit.

She accomplished all this without even mentioning it to her mom. By the time I thought about asking her if she needed a lunch, it was already packed.

If that’s how organized she is now, as a tween, I can’t wait to see what’s to come.

Maybe she’ll be running the toll road agencies someday. Then, they’ll get that toll road through Trestles. I’m joking, surfers, don’t send me hate mail.

Or maybe we can send her up to Sacramento to whip the Legislature into shape. They could use someone like her up there.

Read more Frumpy Middleaged Mom:

Look for Frumpy Mom on Facebook! Join so I’m not lonely.

I’m also on Twitter as @FrumpyMom!

If you would like to be on a mailing list to receive a link to each new Frumpy mom blog post, email me, mfisher@ocregister.com.

Posted in: Frumpy Middleaged Mom - Marla Jo Fisher | 7 Comments »

I have the weird house on the block

January 29th, 2010, 12:15 pm by Marla Jo Fisher, Staff Writer

I moved into a suburban neighborhood three years ago after living in the ‘hood for a long time.

People on this street socialize together. They have block parties. They have progressive dinners every Christmas. Some of them (and I am not making this up) even bought RVs so they could all go camping at the lake together.

I thought I wanted to live in a neighborhood like this, but quickly discovered that it scares the heck out of me.

See, I can’t measure up.

When I first moved in, the people across the street who seem to always party in their front yard used to wave and invite me to come over, to join them at their patio table and have a lemonade.

But I was always rushing around trying to get moved in, hauling the kids to one practice or another. Now, they never ask me anymore.

tsunami

How to get out of my house

When neighbors come to my door for some reason, usually to return Buddy when he’s gotten loose, I never invite them in. See, my house always looks like a tsunami hit it.

Invariably, the kids have tossed all their junk into the entryway, and Buddy the Wonder Dog has deposited a torn pair of underwear on the front mat.

I know, I know, you’re saying, “Hey, Frumpy Mom, everyone’s house is messy. Don’t worry about it.”

But, seriously, it’s not true. I’ve been in their houses and they are frighteningly immaculate.

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Posted in: Frumpy Middleaged Mom - Marla Jo Fisher • • • | 42 Comments »

Not the best camping trip ever

January 22nd, 2010, 10:34 am by Marla Jo Fisher, Staff Writer

I’ve been camping at Doheny State Beach before, and we’ve had a lot of fun there.

But this is definitely not something I’d ever want to wake up and find, like these poor people!

I guess the best you can say about this is, at least they weren’t in a tent!

dohenycampercrushed

Doheny beach campground storm damage, shot by OCR photographer Mark Rightmire

If you want to see more interesting OC Register photos from the storm, click here

Read more Frumpy Middleaged Mom:

Look for Frumpy Mom on Facebook! Join so I’m not lonely.

I’m also on Twitter as @FrumpyMom!

If you would like to be on a mailing list to receive a link to each new Frumpy mom blog post, email me, mfisher@ocregister.com.

Posted in: Frumpy Middleaged Mom - Marla Jo Fisher • | 3 Comments »

Bad weather fun with the kids

January 21st, 2010, 1:00 pm by Marla Jo Fisher, Staff Writer

I’ve pretty much given up any effort this week to get the kids to stay warm during the winter storms.

They go outside in thin sweatshirts, get freezing and soaked, come in and drip all over my clean floors. (Well, they’re not really clean, but I can dream, can’t I?)

Then, they shiver uncontrollably and complain about being cold.

After I’d pointed out dozens of times that our closet contains not only clutter but also several perfectly good waterproof jackets with hoods, not to mention umbrellas and boots, I stopped listening.

cheetahboysnowonset

How Cheetah Boy should dress

Instead, I just steer them directly into the hot shower, where their wet clothes will miraculously rise up off the floor and into the washer. (That’s their version, anyway).

Even Buddy the Wonder Dog doesn’t want to go outdoors. He left us a little present in the living room last night, apparently deciding it was too wet outside to do his business.

After the kids dry off and get warm, leaving a trail of wet towels behind them, they only have one thing in mind: going back outside.

The alternative to letting them catch double pneumonia outdoors is forcing them to stay inside, which my insurance agent says I’m not covered for.

The whooping and hollering, the chasing each other around, the bickering, the tennis balls bouncing off surfaces they were never designed to strike.

It’s like living in an episode of “SuperNanny.”

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Posted in: Frumpy Middleaged Mom - Marla Jo Fisher • • • • • • | 16 Comments »

Yes, my kids have sad, pathetic lives

January 8th, 2010, 12:30 pm by Marla Jo Fisher, Staff Writer

Many people recently have criticized me because I won’t buy video games for my kids.

Since my original post ran, in which I jokingly said video games were invented by Satan to turn kids into drooling, glassy-eyed stooges, I’ve been called every obscene name ever invented.

I mean, I enjoy being called an (expletive deleted) female dog as much as the next person, but it gets old.

Teenagers from all over the world have informed me in the most nasty way possible that I’m a bad mother.

Frumpy's kids on safari in Africa. Don't they look sad and mistreated?

Frumpy Mom's kids on an African safari. Don't they look mistreated?

“I highly doubt your children will care for you when you get into a retirement home,” one reader just wrote a few moments ago in a comment I approved.

Really? Well, I hope I don’t find out for a long, long time.

Some people have made intelligent, well-reasoned arguments I respect about the benefits of video games. But they get drowned out by the incredibly nasty responses, which can’t even be published because of all the profanity.

One man even said he hopes I get breast cancer and die so my kids can go live with someone else. Another reader told me to “go die in a fire.”

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Posted in: Frumpy Middleaged Mom - Marla Jo Fisher • Kids in OC • • • • • • • | 230 Comments »

Kids on computers in middle of the night

January 7th, 2010, 12:20 pm by Marla Jo Fisher, Staff Writer

Have you noticed a ghostly green glow from your child’s room late at night?

I really had no idea how many kids were up using their computers in the middle of the night, at least until I was up myself, reading and approving their comments on my video game post.

Parents, what are you thinking? Do you know your kid is on the computer at 4 a.m.?

Wondering why you need an air horn to wake your teenager in the morning? Gee, maybe that’s why.

It’s time to put a password on that computer that only you know. That way, when it gets turned off at night, only Bill Gates can get into it.

cheetahboysleeping

What Cheetah Boy does at 4 a.m.

But, then, I guess there are a lot of parents in the world who just don’t care, or who feel helpless to control their kids’ addiction to electronics.

In our house, the computer is in the living room, where Mom can see everything that goes on.

And it’s password protected. Since I’m a single mom with two kids, no one goes on the computer in my house without my password. The kids are allowed to use the computer, as long as I know what they’re doing.

I even have a password on the TV so the kids don’t come home when I’m not here and zone out on the Disney Channel when they should be doing their homework or playing outside.

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Posted in: Frumpy Middleaged Mom - Marla Jo Fisher • • • • • • | 101 Comments »

My bad: Video games are not from Satan

January 6th, 2010, 3:00 pm by Marla Jo Fisher, Staff Writer

OK, readers. I get it.

Hundreds and hundreds of you commented on my last blog post that I was way off base in saying the devil invented video games.

This after I got national attention as a maniacal crackpot mom.

True, I am a crackpot and a mom. But, hey, I’m only maniacal on the full moon when I grow hair on my palms.

Anyway, after much soul searching and meditation, I’ve had a divine revelation that I am wrong.

Satan did not invent video games.

Lord Voldemort did.

What better way to turn children away from good magic and into the dark side, than to put them in a darkened room for hours every day with a joystick and a big screen, where they practice killing things for fun?

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Posted in: Frumpy Middleaged Mom - Marla Jo Fisher • • • • • • • • | 585 Comments »

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